With today being both the first presidential debate of the 2012 election season and also the high holy day of October 3rd, known to tweens and gays the world over as Mean Girls Day, I thought it would be a good time to take a moment from trading gluten-free hot water recipes and focus on the issues really affecting America today. The liberal media will have you believe that it's things like the economy and healthcare that are important but please, I have plenty of money and no good plastic surgeon takes health insurance anyway; so clearly these are non-issues to us goopsie daisies. What truly matters is which candidate will finally make Mean Girls Day a national bank holiday, preferably with parades in all major cities; or at the very least, a no-questions-asked pardon for Lindsay Lohan for whatever crimes she may commit on this blessed day, which I think will can all agree will probably be numerous.
Below you will find my tribute to this years political stars with a little help from the Mean Girls. I'd credit Tina Fey for helming the original film this entry is based upon but she is not only a brunette but a basic cable TV star, two of the world's most unforgivable sins.
Any closing statements, Mr. President?