Thursday, October 4, 2012

Blank Stares & Blank Tees: More White, Cotton Basicness from goop

Recession? Who gives a shit. Style? What’s that? Joy? I’m so hopped up on pills I haven’t felt a single emotion in years. If this sounds like you, I have just what you've been looking for – the Monrow for goop Deep V Tissue Tee!  It’s the perfect top for those with all the money and none of the taste and certainly no prescription for all those narcotics in their antique medicine cabinet.

Growing up, my mother always told me that there comes a special time in every young girl’s life in which she just gives up. She just says “ya know what? Fuck it. Fuck it hard. Enough is enough; I’m not even going to try anymore.” For that precious time in your life, the international ambassador of not giving a fuck, Gywneth Paltrow, has added yet another goddamn white, cotton tee to her goop line. Because nothing says “fuck you world” like buying a $55 basic t-shirt which you could easily get at any local retailer for 10 times less. Plus, it’s totally see-through so you can really let the world know you just cannot be bothered to give even a quarter of a fuck anymore. You can see my tits? Whatever. My c-section scar? That’s cool. I’m not wearing any pants? I couldn't figure out which leg to put in which hole so I just burned them all. You really can say so much by wearing so little.

These tees come in three colors – black, white and blue jay. Why only the blue is named after a bird I don’t know. Personally, I would have named the colors blue jay, black bird and pigeon poop (because pigeon poop is white, ugly and looks really nasty when people wear it; just like this shirt!).  

Interestingly, if a bird does take a giant shit on you, this shirt is apparently made from tissues so you can just wipe that shit right up no problem. Plus, at just $55 a pop, these shirts are cheap enough to be disposable. That's what the poors call a dual-purpose item, like how they eat McDonald's both because it is cheap sustenance and because it will give them Type 2 diabetes. 

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