Wednesday, September 19, 2012

And Now, More of GOOP's J. Crew Picks or, As I Like to Call Them - Gwynnie's Fave J.EW's.

These toothpick ankle jeans are actually rather adorable. I love the color, the blue is quite rich and if you know anything about me you'll know I’m a sucker for things/people that are rich. Plus, they are fantastic ankle length which will allow you so show off the results of my daily SoulCycle classes and/or a possible recent ankle lift. These jeans also come in myriad of colors, none of which are black so you can feel safe knowing that on days when you don’t wear them you can leave them in your house unsupervised and nothing will go missing. Wait…that's not, not the racism, these jeans, they...they are...on sale? That's so wrong! Oh my God, I’d throw up if I had eaten anything this week! Abort! Abort! Like an unwanted teen pregnancy, abort!

Okay, now that I have calmed down by firing someone without reason and screwing the undocumented Mexican gardener let's get back to the subject at hand. The white collared shirt is an absolute wardrobe staple for really boring white people and this J. Crew version really takes boring to the next level. It’s basically wearable Ambien. It’s worth noting that Sears & Roebuck sells essentially the exact same shirt for more than $100 less so make sure you don’t purchase that one because, really, I mean, who wants to spend less when they can spend more? This isn’t The Price is Right the price you pay/shout aloud to a room full of people should always go over the suggested retail value.

And finally, we come to the denim shirt. If I learned anything from my weekend in Provincetown this summer it's to never mistake Ryan Murphy for a butter sculpture of John Malkovich, as it turns out he doesn't appreciate when you keeping trying to stick crackers in his face. But if I learned two things in Provincetown this summer, it's #1 Ryan Murphy is not a butter sculpture of John Malkovich and #2 denim on denim is the. look. hun. ty. So you best put yo skinny ass in dis chambray today.  

And I am telling you, from the Tony Award winning Broadway musical Dreamgirls, this will be you when you get this J. Crew Western denim shirt...

You’ll be all “denim shirt, I wish I knew how to quit you” and then you’ll die of a drug overdose. ...Too soon? 

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