When White Bitches Attack...

Rumors are currently circulating that Mother Goop is feuding with that obnoxious hippie has-been Kate Hudson. Apparently, Gwyneth fears that Kate's upcoming Glee guest-spot could potentially outshine hers. To quote the great Jewish philosopher Cher Horowitz; "as if!"

Truth be told, I've always been dumbfounded by their friendship so this rift comes as no great shock to me. After all, Gwyneth is a skinny, blonde, rich, uptight bitch who is married to a British rocker and whose success in Hollywood is based solely on nepotism while Kate is a skinny, blonde, rich, free-spirited bitch who is married to a British rocker and whose success in Hollywood is based solely on nepotism. What could these two possibly have to talk about? I guess Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat where right when they said "opp-o-sites attract."

I think Gwynnie should just cut her losses on this one. After all, Kate only has an Academy Award nomination. Ugh, sooooo embarrassing. Hopefully the next time The Hud asks Gwynnie out for organic, gluten-free, vegan, carob cupcakes she'll just straight up tell her it might be best for her to invite someone more her own level, like Randy Quaid or Gabourey Sidibe, ya know, an Oscar loser. Maybe then she'll get the hint that shitty auto-tuned covers of shitty auto-tuned Top 40 songs are Gwyneth's game and this feud can officially come to an end.